A Game of Failure

Your kid is going to fail. A lot.

They'll strike out with the game on the line. Boot the routine ground ball. Throw the ball away. Miss the cutoff man. Let up a game winning hit.

And if they can't handle it, they won't last long in this game.

Here's what I remind my own kids: the best hitters in baseball fail 7 out of 10 times. A .300 average gets you to the All-Star game. That means a player getting out 70% of the time makes you elite.

When my son or daughter strikes out or makes an error, I see it on their faces. The frustration, the embarrassment, the feeling like they let everyone down. It's real and it's hard.

However, the only way to learn how to handle failure is to fail.

It's part of the game. It's part of life.

So how do we help our kids handle it?

Watch one of the greatest athletes of this century explain his mindset and his relationship with failure.

Watch: Novak Djokovic - Talk about handling failure (47 seconds)

⭐ Pro Tip: Sometimes Failure Isn't About Talent. It's About Tension

Over time I've learned to handle failure. But helping my 10-year-old son, his best friends, and teammates deal with it? That's not easy. It's harder than I would have thought.

This past summer, I lived it.

I coached my son's all-star team, and we had some of the best talent in our district, maybe even the state. We had high hopes of winning the districts and competing for a state championship.

That didn't happen. We lost in the district tournament.

Looking back, I can see what happened. The kids put too much pressure on themselves. And honestly? I probably did too without even realizing it.

We were focused but played tight. We were prepared but played with fear. We wanted to win but were afraid to make mistakes instead of just competing.

It was heartbreaking. Not just for them but for me too. I felt like I let these boys down.

But I didn't want the summer to end, not like that. And neither did Coach Jimmy and Coach Tyler, who gave everything they had this summer to help these boys grow and get better.

We took a week off. Then we got back to work, two more tournaments ahead of us. But something changed in how we practiced.

Expectations were different. Tension was gone. Practices were less intense. We still worked hard, but we worked differently. The pressure came off. The joy came back. Personalities started to really show.

Guess what happened next?

We won both tournaments. We won 7 out of 8 games. We beat several really good teams from Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island.

But we played free. We played loose. We played like underdogs with nothing to lose.

Here's what I learned:

First of all, I'm coaching, not playing. This has been a real adjustment for me as a competitor. It's hard to prepare for a game and not play. This is something I've struggled with, but I'm becoming more comfortable as time goes on.

Secondly, your kid might not be failing because they're not good enough. They might be failing because they're carrying too much pressure. From you, from themselves, from coaches, from expectations.

We weren't failing because we weren't good enough. We were failing because we were afraid to fail.

Take the fear away. Watch them compete.

A good friend once told me "You're not losing if you're learning."

That stuck with me. I'm grateful for that summer because it taught me something I couldn't learn any other way.

Lincoln 10U All Stars | 2025

More from that summer below 👇

⚡ This Week's Play: How to Handle Failure When It Happens

Step 1: Separate Effort From Outcome

The first question after a strikeout or error shouldn't be "What did I do wrong?" It should be: "Did I compete?"

Did you give your best effort? Did you stay in the fight? If yes, you succeeded, regardless of the result.

The scoreboard doesn't reflect how hard you competed. Competing is what you control.

Step 2: Learn From It

After you've acknowledged the effort, ask: "What can I take from this?" Not "What did I do wrong?"

Maybe it's a mechanical adjustment. Maybe it's a mental note. There's always something to learn. Find it.

Step 3: Move On

Feel it. Acknowledge it. Then let it go.

Don't carry it to the next pitch. Don't bring it to the next at-bat.

Ask yourself: "What's next?" The best players don't forget failure, they just don't live there.

Failure only becomes permanent when you can't move past it.

💡 Parent Tip: Set Expectations Before Failure Happens

Your kid already knows they failed. The best thing you can do? Move on. They'll follow your lead.

Here's what I tell my own kids all the time:

"You're going to get beat. It's part of the game."
"You're going to make errors. Accept it and move on."
"You're going to fail."

I set those expectations early and often. Not to be negative but to prepare them. So when failure happens, they can acknowledge it, take a deep breath, and move on.

Car Ride Home

Don't lecture. Don't try to fix it. Don't immediately say "it's okay."

Just ask "What are you thinking about?"

More often than not they respond with a genuine answer, what they think, not what we think. Then simply remind them "You competed. That's what matters.”

The faster you move on, the faster they will too.

Behind the Scenes: Summer 2025